Well, it’s January 2014. It’s time for renewal. I’ve decided this year, I’m not going to make life so difficult. I’m going to listen to God more and less of man.
I’m surrendering to Him, all that I am, all that I have, and all that I will be. Okay, now if you don’t know me, let me explain. I am a fixer. No, I don’t believe I have always been one. I just don’t like problems or broken things. Let’s face it, I do not like being out of control. I’m not a control freak though. Meaning, I don’t feel that I have to control others. I just want my environment to be normal.
I don’t want others to hurt. I want people happy. I want to be happy. Does that sound like you?
I abhor chaos. If I can’t do something right, I don’t want to do it at all. If I fail at something or I am not seeing good results I just move on. It may take me awhile to move on, but eventually I do.
So, for the last two years, I have had a lot of changes in my life. I’ve tried some different avenues for income, I still kept my day job, so to speak, even changing companies. It’s an extremely stressful day job. I definitely put a lot of it on hold because I needed to be home for my son who was experiencing medical problems, he was 15 at the time. That was a really tough time for me. My husband and I had just left our previous church, and the diagnosis of spondyloarthropathy was given to my son. It is a type of juvenile arthritis that is genetic. I didn’t have any close friends near me to talk to about it at the time. I felt abandoned. I had to learn all about this disease, the protocol and the trial of figuring out what would work for him to give him health. We changed his diet completely. My daughter, who was injured during birth, had just had major surgery to repair some muscles, tendons and to shave her scapula bone and was still recovering.
I was also tired all of the time. I didn’t know it, but I had iron deficiency anemia. I knew I was borderline anemic throughout my adult life, but I didn’t know how bad it really was. I literally felt like I was dying. I would wake up in the morning and pray to God to help me get up.
I’d go to the gym or walk for a few miles hoping working out would give me energy, come home and take a two to three hour nap. My memory was horrible. I felt like I was in a fog most of the time. I just thought it was from stress. I knew I wasn’t depressed, because I’m a happy person. I can go on and on and on about all of the problems my family was experiencing. I couldn’t fix any of it.
I kept praying, learning, reading the word of God. At first I was angry at God. Now, I’ve been through a lot in my life, but never was I angry at God. My son was in tremendous pain, and I couldn’t stop it. He had been misdiagnosed for years. His doctor said it was just growing pains. Now, all of his lethargy, missing school because he was in pain, it all made sense. Worse, my son’s faith was shattered. He started questioning God’s existence.
Financially, those extra income decisions I made didn’t turn out well. Put that on top of not being able to work as much, and a financial disaster was in the midst. You know the deal, the car breaks, need new tires, the pool pump breaks, daughter starts college, etc. etc. etc. It just didn’t stop. I knew it was tough at the time, but it sounds so much worse putting it all down in this blog.
Somehow, some way, the Lord brought me and my family through it all. I was able to enjoy life too.
Ya know, it’s really hard to wait on the Lord. I didn’t wait on Him. Not really. I prayed, I studied, and I worshipped Him. I waited a little bit, but I didn’t wait until I had His answer. When I had decisions to make, I made them. I didn’t have time to wait for His answers, he took too long. The world doesn’t give you time to make decisions. Ah, but wisdom. That is what I needed. That is what I was learning.
This year, it will be different. I will wait on The Lord until He answers me. As He holds the doors open for me, I will walk through, knowing he has a great future for me. I know I am blessed. I have a wonderful God fearing husband who loves learning about God. I adore my three children so much. I have a beautiful grandbaby, a daughter in law and a future son in law. Life is good even in the middle of the storm. Right now, I choose to dance in the rain.
#God #DanceInTheRain #Wisdom #WaitOnGod